Every so often I catch myself being a hypocrite, and I find that I have to step back for a second and reevaluate. For years, in fact for most of my life, if someone asked me to do something, or asked for a favor, the only reason that I would say no was because I either physically could not do what they asked, or I had already promised that time to someone else. This resulted in me doing things quite often that I had no desire to do. Sometimes big things, something small things, but the common denominator was that I did not want to do it, yet out of guilt or obligation there I was. However, quite often, I resented it, the person or both. I didn’t want to be there and sometimes I was unable to hide the fact that I didn’t want to be there. Therefore, I was miserable and if the task lasted more than an hour or two, I’m sure the people around me were miserable as well.

Then one day, I learned how to say a magic little word – no. It’s amazing how much power that word carries. At first it was like an experiment. Somebody would ask me something – “I need new shoes, do you want to come with me?” Then in my head the following would occur – “Oh God no! You can’t afford new shoes, so going shoe shopping will be like torture. No, no, no!” Despite this tirade in my head, my knee jerk reaction was to say yes, after all they had asked. But instead I would say – “No thanks.” I wouldn’t lie and say that I had other plans, or go into a long drawn out explanation of why I couldn’t. I would simply say no, and low and behold, the world did not end. The Earth kept spinning, my friend went shoe shopping on her own, and all was well. Amazing!

I started to apply this throughout my life. If an invite or a favor or request came along and I truly did not want to do it, I said no thanks. Obviously my ability to do this at work was highly limited, but in my personal life I had free reign. Pretty soon I was saying no right and left and as a result I had more of my time for me. That’s when I learned to value my time and that only giving it away where I wanted to made me happier. True, I was no longer the go-to person for anything and everything, but when I did show up, I was in a good mood, fully present and ready to go. Which really goes back to the old adage of quality is more important than quantity.

At this point in my life, I’ve gotten to the point that I can say no and feel no guilt. I don’t volunteer for things out of peer pressure and I don’t agree to do things that don’t sound fun. Which brings me to the hypocritical part. I find that now, when I hear people complaining that they “have” to do something, or that they got “roped in” to something and that it’s been horrible and awful and such a waste of their time, I have no tolerance for their complaining. None! I don’t want to hear it, because all they had to do was say no. They are in the situation because they put themselves in the situation. Therefore, don’t bitch about it!

Then I step back and remember that I was in their shoes, bitching about things that I “had” to do, not so long ago. And I remember that I had to learn to say no, it wasn’t something that came naturally to me. Perhaps this person has not yet learned the magic of the word no. Therefore, I am going to take the recent rant that I heard with a grain of salt . . . and be thankful that I am no longer wearing those shoes!