Let’s be honest. Our new year’s resolutions don’t always work out . . . or even see the light of February.
So not to jinx myself or anything, but here are the Top Ten Probable Outcomes of my Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions.
Resolution #1 – Retire the “fat pants” and move back into the regular wardrobe
Probable Outcome – Technically speaking I wear the “fat pants” more often than the size 8’s in my closet, so therefore they are actually my regular wardrobe thus rendering this resolution null and void.
Resolution #2 – Work on the puggles’ lack of obedience
Probable Outcome – “Puggles, ignore me . . . Good dogs!” Nailed it!
Resolution #3 – Read more
Probable Outcome – Does my Twitter feed count?
Resolution #4 – Eat more fruits and vegetables.
Probable Outcome – I’ll take a pepperoni pizza with pineapple and black olives.
Resolution #5 – Work out on a regular basis
Probable Outcome – Okay, this one might actually happen simply because I joined the gym that my roommate goes to on a regular basis and she said she’d bring me along . . . kicking and screaming if necessary.
Resolution #6 – Finish all of the dishes every night before going to bed.
Probable Outcome – Start eating exclusively off of paper plates or directly out of the pan.
Resolution #7 – Go to bed at a reasonable hour
Probable Outcome – In comparison, 1:00 is definitely more reasonable then say 3:00.
Resolution #8 – Do yoga every morning
Probable Outcome – Keeping my legs straight as I bend over to put my socks on has got to be some sort of yoga move. Right?
Resolution #9 – De-clutter my house
Probable Outcome – “What are you buying?” “A flamingo, feather-duster pen . . . but I need it!”
Resolution #10 – Stop calling myself a Dumbass
Probable Outcome – Dumbass . . . Damnit!