I tend to be very guarded in my personal life. I’m wary to let people in before a certain amount of trust is established. I’ve always thought that this was because I’m very selfish with my personal time. Not only am I a writer – a solitary pursuit – but I’m an introvert. I need time to myself to recharge my batteries so to speak. However, I’ve recently decided, that I don’t think that that is the reason. I think it is actually because I have a deep seated belief that the only reason that someone would want to spend time with me is because they want something from me. I am constantly wondering what it is I have to offer to people. What can I give them? What can I provide? What can I do that will make me invaluable? Because if I can’t fill some need, then they’ll find somebody else who can.
As I’m sure you can imagine, this creates a certain amount of stress. If I’m already having a harried day, someone calling will generally illicit the reaction of, “Oh good grief! What do they want? I don’t have the time or energy for this!” Which isn’t really fair to them, and ridiculous on my part. Maybe what they want is to chat, tell me about their day and hear about mine. Why should that cause me stress? And what if they do want something from me? If it’s something that I’m willing to give, great. If not, say no. Again, why should this cause me stress?
I need to learn that sometimes people want to be around you, simply because they love you. Not to get something or gain some advantage, but simply to share your company. This is a crazy, messed up world that we live in, so why not let people love you? Let them in without assuming an ulterior motive. Let them love you, and love them back. Written out it sounds so simple. Let people love you.
Deep thoughts for a Monday, I know.