Over the course of this year I have been put on three different medications, and all three of them came with the oh-so-wonderful side-effect of weight gain. Lucky me! Because of that I now weigh more than I ever have in my entire life. I am overweight. Not to the point that my weight is causing health problems, but to the point that losing some weight should be a top priority. So, exercise and eating a clean, healthy diet are at the forefront of my life, right? Wrong. I was recently diagnosed with costochondritis, a swelling of the cartilage around my sternum and lower ribs. Yes, it hurts. A lot. Wanna know what the cure is? Rest, and don’t use your ribs as much as humanly possible until the symptoms go away . . . which could take up to six months. That’s right, I’m not allowed to exercise for up to six months.
So I find myself in a year with unprecedented weight gain, unable to exercise. Crap! That means that the only hope I have of getting back into my size 10/12 clothes anywhere in the near future is to watch my diet like a hawk. No sweets, no fried foods, no grease. Sign me up for salads, lean proteins and diet shakes. Right? Wrong.
I am choosing to embrace my new size.
Instead of stressing myself out and hating the way that I look in my size 14/16 clothes, I am choosing to love my body the way that it is right now. A really strange concept for someone who lives in Los Angeles, let me tell you. But this is the first time in almost a year that I have actually felt healthy for more than a day or two in a row, and that is more important to me than fitting back into a size 10.
Do I still plan on watching what I eat and filling my diet with fruits, vegetables and lean proteins? Of course. But I’m not going to deny myself a cookie every now and then. Or a burger with fries or pizza while out with friends. I have no intention of denying myself or being miserable simply because of a number that is sewn into my clothes. That number doesn’t dictate who I am, no matter how big or how small. Do I plan on exercising as soon as I’m able? YES!!! I can’t tell you how much I would love to have my ass kicked by a Pilates instructor right now. Or how fantastic going to the gym and zoning out on a rowing machine sounds. That would be absolutely blissful! But I can’t. I’m one month post-diagnosis and walking my dogs is still too much for me.
So I am choosing to embrace my current reality. I am choosing to embrace the rest and relaxation that have been prescribed. (For all those who know me, pick your jaws up off the floor.) I am choosing to embrace my size. I am choosing to embrace the way that my body looks right now. There is time for weight-loss later. For now I am going to heal, and that’s going to happen a lot faster if I’m not miserable and stressed-out.
