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I flew to Colorado over the weekend for the funeral of my aunt. She died way too young, taken very quickly by cancer. Fuck cancer! Let me say that again. Fuck cancer! As I had had the chance to fly back to see her before she died, my family told me that it wasn’t necessary to come back for the funeral. After all, two plane tickets in the span of a month can add up. But I know myself, and knew that I needed to go. For me the funeral helps bring closure. It is part of my grieving process. Yes, I have a grieving process. Sad to say, I have lost enough people in my life, that grieving really isn’t anything new. From the ages of 8 – 20, I lost a family member every even year of my life. Let’s just say that as the day of my 23rd birthday arrived I let out a huge sigh of relief. No one else had died. The streak had been broken.

famous-love-quotes_718-1

Now I just seem to lose people sporadically. I’m not really sure which is worse. At any rate, over the years I have come up with my own path of grief. My own beliefs of why these things happen, and why life can sometimes be so cruel. I had to come up with my own beliefs because I don’t believe in religion. I do not believe in god almighty, or that Jesus was our savior, or that if we live a righteous life we will go to heaven. I know that what I just described is Christianity and that there are many varieties and flavors of religion to choose from, but at the end of the day, I can’t find faith to believe in the teachings of any of them. I just can’t make that leap. So I have my own set of beliefs and mores that I live by and most days they suit me just fine and I am not left wanting.

But this funeral that I attended kind of shook me up. It was the most god-centric funeral I’ve ever been to. Before you ask, no, my aunt was not religious and neither is the person who set the whole thing up. So why the service consisted almost entirely of scripture, or explanations of said scripture I don’t know. It did though, and the priest offered up his condolences and then spent his time is reassuring us that this was god’s will, that Maggie was now in his presence awaiting the arrival of her loved ones. That we were to take comfort from the word and the promises of our lord.

This is all well and good, and from the looks of some of the people present, this did indeed provide them with some comfort. For that I am glad. However, my question becomes, where are the faithless supposed to go to find comfort? Where is our Gilead so that we may find a balm to soothe our aching souls? Is there any comfort for the faithless? That service was not meant for me, or anyone of my ilk. He may as well have been speaking in Latin, it would have meant the same. And I guess that isn’t an easy question to answer, as those without a proscribed faith all have different beliefs and therefore must find their own paths to peace of mind and soul. It’s really made me think and to some degree reevaluate the beneficial nature of an organized religion.

I still can’t make that leap of faith to believe myself though. I was however, able to find closure of my own amidst the very religious service. My aunt was a big Elvis fan, and one of the songs played was “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” which I just so happened to write about last week. It is my favorite song, and unbeknownst to me, it was hers as well. So that is something that I will always have. Go figure. My balm was found in Graceland.

MemphisGraceland2

I will rarely give a definitive answer when I am asked about a favorite movie, band, song, color, etc. The reason being that I tend to go through phases. So I generally respond by saying something to the effect of, “My favorites right now are . . .” That being said, I think I really do have a favorite song. A song that no matter my mood, no matter what phase I’m in, it just speaks to me: “Only Fools Rush In.” Of course the deep croon of Elvis makes just about any song memorable, but for me it’s the lyrics, no matter who is singing it. For somebody like me, who plans out everything, there is something so incredibly romantic about getting swept up in the moment and doing something for the sole reason that it feels right. Somewhere deep down inside, you know that it’s the right choice, the right path. You don’t have to wait for time to tell, or to do research, or to weigh the pros and cons. Instead you rush in with a wide-eyed idealism that everything will turn out as it should. It was meant to be.

Or maybe it isn’t. But instead of dwelling on the ‘what if’s’ and the fear of failure you give it a shot. Whether it’s happiness, love, a new career, whatever, you give it a shot. Too many of us live day by day letting fear determine our path. You stay late at work to finish a project. Not because you want to, or because you necessarily enjoy the work, but because you’re afraid that if you don’t get it done you will be fired. You stay at the aforementioned job even though your heart yearns to do something else, because you’re afraid that you won’t be able to make a living following your dreams. You refrain from asking out the person that you really like because you’re afraid that you might get hurt. Fear keeps us from living how we want to live, and I think fear keeps many of us from being happy.

to-be-caught

I actually think that some people are afraid to be happy. They dwell on all of the things that are going wrong, and when nothing is going wrong, they invent things that will keep them miserable. Or simply because the people around them are miserable they are afraid to be happy, and so are miserable too. I know that I have definitely fallen victim to that. Which is probably why that song resonates so much with me. It’s a reminder that sometimes you have to rush in. Sometimes you have to be a fool. You have to have faith that you will wind up where you need to be. You have to acknowledge that sometimes the reward is much greater for the fool, than it is for the person back on the sidelines who hesitated and stayed put. Maybe this is the year of the fool.

As I very much feel that I spent most of last year injured/sick or both, I do not feel that 2014 was a very productive year. Yes, I did accomplish some things and some goals were met. But as far as my type A, over-achieving, go-getter personality is concerned, I slacked off big time. So I’ve decided that 2015 is going to be amazing! Things will be achieved, bridges will be built and crossed and puggle butts will be walked on a regular basis.

Puggles

At the very least it will be better than 2014, which shouldn’t be very hard, as that bar is set pretty low.

So I have attacked my new year’s resolutions in fantastic type-A organization. First off, I really liked an article that I read where a girl set herself 21 things that she wanted to do before she was 21. Brilliant idea! I have completely stolen it and I came up with 34 things that I would like to do before I turn 34. I figured doing 33 before 33 would just set myself up for failure since my birthday is in March. So instead, I’m giving myself a couple of extra months and going with 34. Ambitious, yes I know. However, they’re not all life-changing things. I’ve got “Throw a Dinner Party” on there. Hard? No. Something I’ve been talking about doing for quite a while? Yes. On the list it goes! See an orthopedist to fix my ankle. Hard? No. Something I’ve put off for years? Yes. Not only ‘on the list it goes,’ but I’ve now made that call and have an appointment next week. Boom!

Other things are harder things, or at least more time-consuming things. Here’s where the type-A comes in. For those things, I sat down and broke the task into smaller manageable bits and then set them to a timeline. For example, I want to read the entire Shakespearean Canon. Which when looked at as one big task is incredibly daunting. However, if I read 4 acts every week for a year I will be done. That is totally doable. Other goals have a gradual implementation, adding a little something more every month or so. Some don’t even enter my timeline until July or August, but they’re all on the timeline and that’s what matters. Well they’re almost all on the timeline, I’m not quite done yet . . . it’s a lot of goals. But once I am done they’re all going on a calendar with checklists and color-coding and daily tasks. It’s. Gonna. Be. Epic. And no, I’m not drinking more coffee than usual. Why do you ask?

Kinda like this, but awesome!

Kinda like this, but awesome!

I haven’t been able to write since my aunt passed away ten days ago. I’ve tried, but haven’t liked anything that has come of it, with one exception. Two lines keep repeating themselves:

Remember me in the strength of our last hug goodbye,
In the “I love you” as we fought back the tears in our eyes.

I got to say goodbye and give her one last hug. Tell her that I love her one last time. I will remember that moment for the rest of my life. It was the most important thing that I did all year. It is in that vein, and in her honor, that I recount the best things that happened in my life in 2014.

1. I was given the opportunity to say goodbye.

2. Published my first children’s book.

3. Wrote my 2nd children’s book, and got half way through #3.

4. Sold my first piece of jewelry that I designed and made.

5. Took definitive steps toward the completion and polishing of my Civil War novel.

6. Found clarity and solidified my long term goals for my life’s work.

7. Learned how amazing and supportive the people that I have chosen to be in my life really are.

8. Vacationed with friends and my sister in Alaska.

9. Reconnected with old friends in Colorado.

10. Made it to 2015 with my sense of humor intact and high hopes for the new year.

 

In Loving Memory

Margaret Lucille Michels

2/1/56 – 12/21/14

As I apparently haven’t had enough to deal with this year already, and I haven’t had enough to cast a gloomy pall on the holidays, I found out on Saturday that Bubba, one of my dogs, might have a malignant tumor. This was the last straw. My last spec of holiday cheer that was hanging on by a thread was broken. Fuck this holiday, fuck this year, fuck everything. I threw up my hands and decided that I was cancelling Christmas. I have no cheer, I have no goodwill, I can’t even manage to feel anything but numb. I’m jumping on board with Michelle Featherstone and Cancelling Christmas.

Later that day, I was riding in a car with my best friend and she mentioned that for the first time in a long time (since her mother died) she was actually enjoying holiday decorations and looking forward to festivities. I scoffed, and told her that she must have taken my holiday enthusiasm, because unlike my normal mania, I had none. My Christmas decorations weren’t even up yet, and I probably wasn’t going to put them up at all. What was the point? Then there was a silence. I couldn’t have guessed what she was going to say after that silence if you had given me a hundred guesses. She told me that I wasn’t allowed to cancel Christmas, because I was the only reason that she had started to like the season again and if I weren’t celebrating, then where did that leave her.

I had no idea. I had no idea that my indefatigable zeal toward all things Christmas meant anything to anybody but me. I had no idea that my need to reclaim the holiday and create happiness for my own life, was facilitating healing in hers. Apparently her mother was very much like me around the holidays, “vomiting Christmas” wherever she went. (My friend’s words, not mine.) How being around me helped instead of making Christmas harder, I don’t know, but I’m glad that it did. And I’m especially glad that she told me. I needed the reminder this year that Christmas is about the people around you and the people in your life that you care for, and bailing out affects them just as much as it does you.

So Christmas is no longer cancelled. The decorations have been “vomited” throughout the house and I’m doing my best to approximate holiday cheer. Learning that Bubba’s lab work came back looking positive and the vet can get him in for surgery on Friday has helped. If all goes well, he’ll be good as new by the New Year. Missing part of one ear, but healthy, and that’s what counts.

Photo by Lori Fusaro

Photo by Lori Fusaro

Over the past year I have fallen behind in several areas of my life. Now I realize that quite a bit of that is completely in my head. The fact that I haven’t been able to bust through a page long to-do list without breaking a sweat in quite a while simply makes me feel like I’m behind. However, I also realize that it isn’t all in my head, as evidenced by the piles of started/prepped/half-assed projects lying all over my house. Generally speaking, once I start a project, I finish the project. Which is why the sight of unfinished projects is currently driving me batty! It’s making me twitch.

So now that the mono haze has finally lifted, I have started the arduous task of playing catch-up. Holy crap does playing catch-up suck! I am now beginning to realize why I was that obnoxious person in school who got projects done ahead of time. It is really daunting, and quite frankly stressful, to see a mountain of things to do and know that they are all over-due. It’s giving me a headache. I’m pretty sure that right now I would trade my left leg for a couple of pairs of extra arms just so I could do more things at once! Although missing a leg would probably slow me down on things like “laundry” and “hang the new curtains,” so that trade would definitely be ill-advised. All I have to say is that it is a good thing that I don’t live near a cross-road, because one night in desperation I would have found myself out there summoning a cross-roads demon to help catch me up!

Leunig-catching-up

It wouldn’t have worked of course, because my entire demon-summoning knowledge has been gleaned from watching “Supernatural” and somehow I doubt that their writers were going for 100% accuracy. It being Hollywood and all. But again, it’s a good thing I don’t live near one because I would have wasted my time with Hollywood mumbo-jumbo, which would have put me even further behind schedule. That wouldn’t have gone over well. Seriously though, what I wouldn’t give for a little “Bewitched” nose wiggle action or Mary Poppin’s finger snapping abilities. I wouldn’t even need to keep them, I’d be content to just borrow the powers for a weekend.

That not being likely, AT ALL, I’m trying really hard to cut myself some slack and approach one project at a time. Step by step catching up to where I want to be. One thing at a time is not really how I operate, so this is also a good learning experience for me as well. So I’m learning, and growing, and relaxing (sort of) into this new way of doing things.  *deep calming breaths* We’ll see how it goes.

I am a smart person. In fact, I would place myself in the above average intelligence category. (I’m also very humble.) However, sometimes it is that very intelligence that makes me really stupid. I can usually pick things up or figure them out on my own fairly quickly. However, when I can’t, instead of asking for help or reading more than a sentence or two of the instructions I try again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again, until I’m ready to rip my freaking hair out because I can’t get it to work! (There’s also a fair bit of stubbornness in there.) At this point, I finally break down and read the instructions while swearing under my breath about stupid programming/interfaces/construction, etc. It is while reading the instructions – or googling how-to’s if there are no instructions – that I realize that I am a complete idiot and have wasted insane amounts of time.

9 times out of 10 I was doing it correctly from the very beginning, except for one simple step. Or forgetting to press one button. Something so simple and easy, that had I fully read and followed the instructions after my first attempt I would have been done in a matter of minutes. Now there is always that 1 out of 10 that even if you read and follow the instructions to the letter you still need an old priest and a new priest to get it to turn out okay – in case you’re wondering, I’m referring to any “Easy Assembly” furniture. That shit is never easy! Which means that 10% of the time I never had a chance in hell and 90% of the time I’m a complete idiot by refusing to read the instructions because I think can figure it out myself!

Facepalm for an IDIOTThose aren’t good odds. I’m not a math major, but you don’t have to be to know that those aren’t good odds. In fact, if you were in Vegas playing Blackjack, those are the same odds of busting if you hit on 20. Nobody hits on 20 in Blackjack. Not even the gambling addict or the drunk sorority girl in platform heels playing with daddy’s money, hits on 20. Because you are practically guaranteed to lose. So you would think, that being an intelligent woman who knows these odds, I would just suck it up and read the directions fully after the first attempt fails.

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. It’s ridiculous! The stubborn runs strong in me. Apparently stronger than the intelligence. I have spent the past three weeks fighting with the images in my children’s book trying to get them to format correctly, and line up correctly, and not come across as complete gibberish in the previewer. I tried it as a PDF, then as an ePub. I tried it with each page as its own image and I tried it with each double page spread as a single image. I read a paragraph here or there in the directions and tried those suggestions. Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. Finally I tried reading the freaking directions from start to finish. Guess what they told me to do? Download a free program, stick my PDF into it, and hit the publish button. Within an hour – most of which was upload time – I had a beautiful file uploaded to Kindle that looks great in the previewer. So if you are a writer looking to publish to Kindle, please learn from my mistakes – because lord knows I don’t seem to be capable of doing so – read ALL of the instructions BEFORE you start.

I am an idiot.

Amy w: Book

Amy’s not an idiot though. She’s smart, she got the book.

 

*Shameless plug of self-promotion: My book, Children Have Got to Be Carefully Taught is now available for pre-order on Kindle! Click here.

I am a straight, Caucasian woman from a middle-class background. Trust me when I say that I realize the privileges that I have. I was born in Alaska, and we lived in an Eskimo bush village where my parents worked as teachers and fought every day against the culture to try to keep the girls in school. The only white people in this tiny village at the mouth of the Yukon River were the teachers and their kids – no we could not see Russia, but we were a hell of a lot closer than Palin. Because of this I was the only white girl in my pre-school class. Let’s just say that one of the little Eskimo boys, for whatever reason, did not like this. So he bullied me, constantly. The two Eskimo women who ran the pre-school would literally give him a slap on the wrist and then send him back into the play group. When I started coming home with bruises, and one day a cut from the broken glass of the little telephone booth that he knocked over while I was in it, my parents decided that enough was enough and they pulled me out of school. We moved to Colorado full time when the school year was over.

So it is with that background, and those experiences that I feel 100% confident in saying that I have absolutely no clue what it is like to live as the victim of racism. Let me say that I again, I have no clue what it is like. I have an idea and I can empathize, but I will never experience discrimination and racism in the same manner as a person of color. Yes, when I was kid I sustained physical injury because of the color of my skin. But all my parents had to do to remove me from that threat was to move and enroll me in a different school that was predominately – read 99.9% – white. The discrimination became a thing of the past. Black parents do not have that option available to them. Hispanic or Asian parents do not have that option available to them. No matter where they go, the color of their skin goes with them, and therefore, so does the discrimination.

As a child I was taught that police officers were my friend. That I could go to them for safety and that I could trust in them to help me if I needed help. To me this was the norm. I have several family members and have friends in law enforcement, and they are good people. For a long time I thought that everyone had this same viewpoint. However, a friend of mine, who is black, disabused me of this belief. As a child she was taught to be wary of police officers. That even if she wasn’t doing anything wrong, she was to speak with caution and not make any sudden movements. If they had not acknowledged her presence, she was to give them a wide berth, and under no circumstances was she to draw attention to herself. This is just one of a hundred different examples of why I will never truly understand the discrimination and hatred that exists simply because of the color of one’s skin. Even with all of the research that I have done into the Civil Rights movement and the slave culture of the South, I as a straight – white – middle class – woman, will never truly know the pain of racism. But seeing it sickens me and makes my heart ache.

I have no solution and, upon seeing the fall-out after Ferguson, I fear that a solution may not be forthcoming in my lifetime. I do however, hope that there may be great strides made in the right direction. I believe that the answer must come from love. I do not deny or mean to ignore or brush aside the anger that many blacks feel. In my opinion it is a righteous anger and they have more than enough cause to feel it. The love and the acceptance needs to come from the whites. White people need to step up and acknowledge that all lives matter, regardless of color of skin, economic status or geography, and then act accordingly. They need to acknowledge that whether we want to admit it or not, being white affords a certain privilege in this country and that is racist. Feeling guilty about it, doesn’t help a damn thing. Bemoaning that being accused of being a racist is just as bad as being the victim of racism, is bullshit.

CB Racism

I feel like I have a leg to stand on for that, as I have been accused of being a racist. You know what, at the time it really sucked, especially since the accusation was completely fallacious and eventually dropped because of lack of any evidence. Not to mention that it became abundantly clear that the reason the charge was levied against me, was because I was the only white person in the group that the charge could be levied against. Despite this, I had to go through a humiliating deposition where I had to answer questions like, “What white supremacy groups do you belong to?” At the time, it was awful and I seriously began to question my own motivations and feelings toward other people. By the end I knew it to be what it was. It was a second charge tacked onto a wrongful termination suit in the hopes of getting more money. It is now over and two years later, it’s become an inside joke with my friends and my life isn’t impacted by it in any way. That isn’t anywhere near the same thing. Just like when I was a child, I got to close that particular door, walk away and not let it affect me anymore. That is the privilege of being white in this country. So, no, I will never be able to fully understand what it is to have the cloud of racism perpetually at my shoulder.

I guess the only thing that I can say, is that we need to learn to not only accept, but embrace and celebrate each other’s differences. Our differences should make us stronger as a group, not weaker. In the meantime, to all of my friends of color – past, present and future – stay strong. You have allies. All of my love.

 

A couple of articles that I found worthwhile:

The Root – 12 Ways to Be a White Ally to Black People

Thought Catalog – 23 Quotes That Perfectly Explain Racism (To People Who Don’t “See Color”)

Peggy McIntosh – White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

I have always considered myself a very strong and independent person. I’ve been through, what feels at times to be, more than my share of hardship and heartache. Yet I have always persevered, gotten through and seen the sunshine on the other side. Despite this, I’ve come to realize something. You can be as strong as Superman, independent and self-sufficient enough to live on an island, but when you are down, truly and desperately down, you are only as strong as those who will stand around you. Those who will shelter you from the storm, keep the wolves at bay and stand at the ready should you need a word of encouragement, a hug, or simply some space and time to feel the ache. It is these people who are truly the measure of your strength. They are the ones who see you vulnerable and instead of taking advantage or casting aside they gather their weapons to ensure you are left in peace.

As children, family means the people that you were born into; parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. However, as you get older you get to add to and choose your family. Choose the people that you hold near and dear. The people who get your time and energy before anyone else. The people who will stand with you through thick and thin. Over the past couple of weeks it has become very obvious to me that I have chosen well. I have an amazing family, and I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.

FAMILY

My roommate and I have been battling our shower curtain since, well pretty much since we moved into our apartment two years ago. To be fair, it’s not the shower curtain, it’s the rod. It would constantly slip and then eventually the whole thing would come crashing down. Sometimes it took absolutely no provocation, we’d be sitting in the living room enjoying our morning coffee and a loud crash would echo out from the bathroom. Other times you’d be in the shower and tug on the curtain a bit and down it would come. It was good times. Eventually, I went out and bought a shiny new shower curtain rod so that these issues would be a thing of the past . . . exact same problems as before. Either our bathtub is just the tiniest bit longer than a standard shower curtain rod, or we have a ghost that has a serious grudge against shower curtains staying up.

Ghost in Bathroom

So, to solve this problem I just started resting each end of the rod on top of tile wall that surrounds the bathtub. Problem solved! New problem: now the shower curtain only hangs down into the tub about two inches, which means when the slightest nudge or spray of water hits it, the bottom of the curtain flies out and water gets all over the bathroom. Ugh! Needless to say, my roommate and I have become very careful shower-ers. Until this weekend, when I had a brilliant idea! Emily was at Target so I asked her to pick up the cheapest shower curtain hooks they had. I added the second set of hooks onto the original set and voila, for $1.50, our shower curtain is now long enough that our troubles are over! To double check my work, I stepped into the bathtub and closed the curtain. Emily was holding off taking a shower until I fixed the shower curtain, so I loudly announced that I was finished. She hollered a “Yay!” from her room. That’s when I realized that since she was in her room she had no idea that I was now standing in the bathtub behind the drawn curtain. This is when I had my second brilliant idea of the weekend – I was going to stay in the bathtub and scare the crap out of Emily! The following is my inner monologue.

Okay, she’s still in her room packing to go to her parents’ house, perfect. I’ll stand in the middle of the tub and when she pulls back the curtain I’ll say “Boo!” It’ll be great! Oh, wait a minute. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her scared before. I wonder if she’s more of a fight or a flight person? If she’s a fight person and I’m standing in the middle of the tub, she’ll be able to punch me right in the face before I even see it coming. Hmmm. I really don’t see her doing that . . . but am I willing to take that risk? Okay, I’ll be in the middle of the tub, but I’ll be up against the back of the wall. That way if she tries to punch me she’ll have to over extend and it won’t hurt as much. Huh? You can’t really stand all the way back, the curve of the tub is too much. Okay, I’ll scoot my feet back as far as they can go and lean against the wall. There, perfect! This is kind of awkward. Who cares! It’ll totally be worth it!

***

Good lord! Is she moving out, how much stuff is she packing? Just come take your shower already!

***

Ooo, she’s coming in the bathroom! Should I do a scary face, or a creepy smile? Smile, definitely creepy smile! Okay, she’s going for the light switch, closing the door, any second now . . . any second now . . . any second . . . oh good grief, what is she doing? Wow, you really can’t see anything through this curtain. I have no idea what she is doing. Which I guess is good, because that means that she has no idea that I’m back here. Awesome! Wait a minute. That also means that on an everyday basis, someone could be hiding behind this curtain and neither of us would have any clue until we pulled it open. *shudder* Note to self – start leaving the shower curtain open, so that serial killers who break in will have to find somewhere else to hide.

screenshot-med-13Second note to self – stop watching Criminal Minds, it’s warping your brain. Oh! Oh, she’s moving, get ready!

Oh no. No, no, no, stop! Stop, don’t do that! Aw crap, she’s going to the bathroom. Now this is just awkward. Should I say something? No, no that would be worse. Stay the course, she’ll be done in a second and all will go as planned. Unless of course, she has to poop . . . oh god! She has to poop! Nooooooo! I should say something, I should really say something. She doesn’t want me in here listening to her poop, I wouldn’t want somebody to listen to me poop. But she’s already pooping, I would be interrupting her poop. You can’t interrupt a good poop, that’s sacrilegious! Crap, crap crap, this is not how this was supposed to go!

***

I wonder if she’d notice if I opened the window? Kat, no! Of course she would notice. Pull yourself together Michels, you’ve smelled worse. In fact, this doesn’t even hit the top ten worst poops you’ve smelled, you’ll be fine. Stay the course, it’ll be worth it … I hope. Actually at this point I just hope that she doesn’t kill me. She has a good sense of humor, she’ll think this is funny … I hope. *Puggles barking* Oh crap! Shhh! Shhh! Puggles stop it. If you keep barking, she going to wonder why I’m not shushing you. Oh God! What if it’s Earl coming home? No, no it’s not Earl. They’ve stopped barking. Good.

***

Oh good lord, my feet are purple! I’ve been standing so long at this awkward angle that my feet have gone purple! Okay, I can wiggle my toes still, that’s good. I should move my feet, switch positions. No! You can’t do that, this bathtub creaks with any sort of movement. Maybe if I bend my knees a little bit. Stand, bend, stand, bend, get the circulation going. There, that seems to be helping some. Oh, oh, she flushed, okay get ready! No! Don’t get undressed first, just pull back the curtain and then this can all be over! Argh!!!! Crap. Now she’s naked, I’ve heard her poop and she’s pulling back the curtain really slowly. *She sees me, gasps and wraps the curtain around her.*

“Oh God! Were you in there while I pooped?”

“Yep, good poop!” thumbs up. She starts laughing.

“You are ridiculous. How did you breathe?”

“I was gonna open the window, but I thought you’d hear it.” She laughs some more.

“I feel like we’ve bonded.”

“Me too.”

“Can I take my shower now?”

“Yep.”

I step out of the bathtub and return to my now cold coffee in the living room. The shower starts, I get a text message, “Can you tweet about that? I think it deserves a tweet, or a blog post.” Oh, definitely a blog post Em. Most definitely a blog post.