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I seem to have entered that oh so fun cycle of the never ending sickness, and no I have not gotten my flu shot, because I haven’t been able to.  Apparently you’re supposed to be healthy when you get the flu shot, and so far this cold and flu season I have yet to be healthy enough to get the shot.  I have actually been turned away.  For a while it was just one thing after another, but as evidenced by the stomach flu hitting two days into an antibiotics treatment, these illnesses aren’t even waiting for the old one to go away before attacking anymore.  So I have set upon a quest to find ways to boost the immune system, because quite frankly I am sick and tired of this – pun intended.

Since I can’t seem to focus my cloudy brain on anything else right now, you all get to hear about what I’ve learned.  First off, I’m going to throw out the obscure stuff – the odds of me taking my happy ass down to the health food store to find larch are slim to none, so out the window with ya!  Next I’m throwing out the ones that everybody already knows about – get more sleep, drink water, wash your hands, exercise, chicken soup, vitamin C, etc – because I’m already implementing those to the best of my ability (or ignoring because I tend to be even lazier than normal when sick).  Which leaves the things that made me go “huh!”

1. Keep your feet warm – my feet are ALWAYS cold.  It’s gotten to the point that I’m so used to it, I generally don’t even notice how cold they are until Bubba plops his warm puggle butt on them and I realize they my toes are practically icicles.  Well apparently there’s been a study that shows a correlation between cold feet and constricted blood vessels in your sinuses.  Constricted vessels means less blood flow, which means less white blood cells in the area, which means a lowered ability to fight off infection.  BOOM!  That song that they made us sing in grade school about everything in the body being connected was apparently correct!  I’m breaking out the fuzzy socks tonight!  Also, the next time I smack myself in the face and get a bloody nose, I’m sticking my feet in the freezer . . . or maybe just ice on my feet.  Yeah, that would be less awkward.

2. Eat better – I know that this is one of those common ones, but I have a couple of things that all fit under this heading.

a. Cut back on sugar – apparently sugar is completely superfluous for our bodies, we get absolutely no health benefits from sugar.  Bacteria on the other hand, love it and will feed off of it and get fat, happy and multiply all day long.  Same goes for cancer cells.  So sugar is basically food for nasty crap that we don’t want in our bodies.  Great!

b. Eat Japanese mushrooms – apparently they are chock-full of good stuff that isn’t found elsewhere in a typical American diet.

c. Black and Green tea – again with the unique good stuff.  I always thought that it was just green tea, but apparently black tea is good for you as well, just not as good for you.  Besides who doesn’t like a nice warm beverage when they’re sick!

d. Eat a big breakfast – as in close to half of your daily calories, big breakfast – but here’s the kicker, low in fat, or at least go with the good fats like in avocado.  Which means no bacon . . . yes, it is still Kat, I haven’t been abducted . . . yes, I did let out a solitary sob of anguish when I typed that.  Apparently the body needs a lot of fuel to get up and going properly after resting all night, but bad fats slow everything down including the immune system. Doing this means that your lunch and dinner are significantly smaller of course.  Unless you have some really awesome fat pants that you want to get back into.

Healthy Breakfast

3. Cut back on pain medications – one of the main goals of pain meds is generally to cut down inflammation, and one of the main ways that they do that is to reduce the white blood cells that are causing the inflammation.  Lowered number of white blood cells = more prone to illness.  This explains some things since I’ve been taking ibuprofen like it was candy for the past couple of weeks because of some dental work.

4. Journal and Do Crafts – Both are good stress relievers, and lowering stress helps to boost the immune system.  Who doesn’t want an excuse to break out the glue gun – “Leave me alone, I’m crafting for health damnit!”

5. Sex – yeah apparently having sex on a regular basis boosts your immune system.  Something about chemicals and hormones and the exercise and blah, blah, blah I stopped paying attention, because let’s face it, I was on board for this cure!  However, as a friend pointed out, going over to the corner bar and picking up random guys would probably have the opposite effect on my overall health . . . yeah, she’s got a point there.  Guess I’m going to have to stick to the other four.

So there you have it, be well my readers.

, , , , Life, Live and Learn, MothersView all 3 comments

My dad always used to observe that I was happiest when I was going Mach 5 with my hair on fire, and then in the next sentence he’d warn me not to burn the candle at both ends.  He was right, and it was a valid warning.  Not one that I’ve ever been able to take to heart, but valid nevertheless.  Lately, I feel like I have not only been burning the candle at both ends, but that I have cut it in half so that I have access to two additional wicks.  Oddly enough, this was completely intentional.  The beginning of the year is always very hard for me.  Toward the end of my mother’s life, my father signed her DNR and the doctors gave her a week to live.  This was at the end of November.  The doctors were wrong.  She didn’t die until February 8th.  We’ve all heard stories of loved ones hanging on for one more holiday, or birthday, etc, so it didn’t seem that odd that she lasted until Christmas.  But when the new year hit, and she was still hanging on, an anxious dread descended. Every time my phone rang I expected it to be the call – “Pick up your sister and come home. Mom just died.”  But January came and went and there was no call.  I was a ball of nerves.  Always on edge, not sleeping, doing anything to occupy my mind with something, anything else.

I had plans to go home on the 8th.  That morning my dad called to ask me to pick up some dog food before heading up the mountain to get home.  I said okay, hung up and hopped in the shower.  I was picking out clothes when my phone rang again, and for the first time in over a month I didn’t jump.  It was dad, but I assumed that he needed me to pick up something else.  I was wrong.  “Pick up your sister.  Mom just died.  Oh, don’t forget the dog food.”  She died while I was in the shower.  I will remember that shower for the rest of my life.  It was in that shower that the dread and tension finally released from my body.  Whether that was because I knew that I was heading home when I got out, or if someone how my body instinctively knew that it was all over, I have no idea.  But after that shower I was relaxed for the first time all year, until that call.  Then I was just numb.

Every year since then, I spend the month of January as a ball of nerves.  My body’s yearly vigil of grief. By the time that February rolls around, I have to consciously remind myself to relax my shoulders from their permanent position up around my ears. I usually try to take it easy at the beginning of the year and do things for myself.  It never works.  I’m a ball of nerves through Valentine’s Day.  This year was different.  If I’m happiest going Mach 5 with my hair on fire, then why in the world should I slow down during my hardest time of the year? So this year I over-scheduled myself.  I not only cut the candle in half, I borrowed a couple of extra candles and burned those too.  And it sort of worked.  Did my shoulders still take up residence around my ears? Yep.  Was I still a ball of nerves? Yep.  But I actually got things done – I fell behind on stuff because of my over scheduling, my blog for one, but I got a lot done.  My dad is right.  I’m happiest when I’m getting things done.  Starting tomorrow I’ll be able to breathe again, because the anniversary of her funeral will have passed and all of those years ago it was finally at her funeral that I truly cried and grieved for my loss.  It’s my yearly gauntlet and it’s almost over.  Tonight I burn the last candle.  Until next year.

Candle

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So this whole project started over a year ago when I found out that I was going to be an aunt for the first time and I decided that I wanted to write a children’s book for my new nephew.  If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have just knitted him a blanket and called it a day!  But alas, hindsight is 20/20 and I went with the book option.  Over a year later it is done!  Whoo-hoo!!!!  Well it’s in final review, and I’m counting my chickens a bit before they hatch, but at this point I figure I can handle anything they throw at me.  So the final of my ten top ten lists to usher in the new year:

Top Ten Snafus Encountered While on the Road to Publishing

Cover

1. Found an awesome illustrator . . . lost an awesome illustrator.

2. Found another awesome illustrator . . . can’t afford awesome illustrator.

3. Fine, I’ll illustrate it myself . . . poor choice, poor choice, POOR CHOICE!!!!

4. Found an amazing artist . . . who usually draws nudes . . . maybe put some clothes on em?

5. According to my research we can make the illustrations whatever size we want . . . several months later . . . remember when I said we can make them any size we want?  I was wrong.  We need to go in and change the size of all 32 illustrations.

6. What do you mean the scanner is only big enough to scan half the illustration at once?

7. What do you mean the scanner dulled out all of the bright colors?  I hate scanners!

8. “Wait, why does it say that?”

“That’s the text that you sent me.”

“Well that’s from two rewrites ago.”

” . . . wanna send me the current text?”

“Probably a good idea. Right on that!”

 

9. Wow, that file is way to big for the upload . . . tweak, tweak, tweak . . . that’s a little better . . . tweak, tweak, tweak . . . a little better . . . tweak, tweak, tweak . . . ah crap!  Now it’s too small!

 

10. “Okay, take one final pass and then we’re done.”

“Wait, where’s all the punctuation?”

“That’s how you sent it to me.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Huh. Yeah, we’re gonna need to fix that.”

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One of my old roommates nick-named my dogs “The Piranha-Puggle-Goats” because they will eat anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that remotely resembles a food-like-substance that comes near their mouths, and they will finish it off in 30 seconds or less.  It makes for some interesting stories, and some near misses with fingers.  I know what you’re thinking – “How do they get a hold of everything they eat?”  Well, they are wiley!  They will unabashedly stick their nose in and root around in any bag, box or package that is left in puggle range.  They are also expert tag-teamers – one will distract you while the other goes off and gets into things – and I don’t have proof on this one, but I’m pretty sure that they climb on one another in order to reach things that are higher up.  They are basically scavenger ninjas.  And since they eat everything so quickly, if it goes in the mouth, it’s gone!  So without further ado, the Top Ten Things that the Puggles Ate in 2013.

Dog Shaming

1. Three bars of soap.

2. Four bottles of lotion.  I guess trying to lick it off our legs just wasn’t cutting it anymore.

3. Lip gloss, because puggles like to look pretty too.

4. A tube of hydro-cortisone cream, and the one that I bought to replace it.

5. Two packs of gum.

6. Cardboard boxes – lost count of these.

7. My favorite bra – they almost didn’t live to see the next day.

8. Slice of flour-less chocolate cake followed by 5 doses of hydrogen peroxide.  The latter was to induce vomiting . . . it didn’t work.  He just belched, curled up in his bed and started snoring.  Now when ever I take out the hydrogen peroxide Bubba comes-a-runnin’ licking his lips.

9. A pot-laced loaf of ginger bread. (I was not present for this one, it was the puggle-sitter’s, but apparently a high puggle cannot walk straight.)

10. An entire bottle of Tums.  I think we all know why on this one!

 

*No puggles were harmed in the making of this Top Ten list.  Okay, there was some indigestion, but they brought it upon themselves!

Humor, LifeOne comment so far

We all have those days where we would rather be anywhere and doing anything than what we have to be doing.  Today is one of those days for me.  So therefore, here are the Top Ten Things That I Would Rather Be Doing Instead of Sitting at Work.

 

1. Cleaning my toilet.

2. Flossing the puggles’ teeth, after walking them through a field where a flock of geese have been living.

3. Giving Big Bob a sponge bath.

Big Bob

4. Getting stuck in an elevator with a claustrophobic alarmist.

5. Getting a root canal . . . without the drugs.

6. Sitting in a broken down car in the middle of the Small World ride at Disneyland with an obnoxious tourist incessantly taking pictures in front of me and a screaming baby behind me.

7. Hanging upside down by my big toes.

8. Volunteering for Homeland Security to try out their new and improved Chinese Water Torture techniques.

9. Performing a blood ritual while inside a shark tank.

10. Going on a road trip across the country with the guys from “Dumb and Dumber.”

Dumb and Dumber

TGIF!!

Humor, LifeView all 2 comments

1. They have their own song by Barenaked Ladies.  I’ve always wanted to have a song by Barenaked Ladies about me.

The Ninjas

2. That obnoxious fly that keeps buzzing around – got it!

Karate Kid

3. That whole stealthily sneaking up on people thing is awesome!  Although with how many times people tell me to make some noise when I walk I’m guessing that I’m already pretty good at this one.

4. Black is very slimming. Just sayin.

5. I want to vacation in Ireland . . . you didn’t listen to the song did you?  So this makes no sense.  Go back and listen to the song!

6. Because of this conversation – “I’m in real estate, what do you do?”  “I’m a ninja.”  BOOM!

7. Awesome toys!

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-images-ninja-weapons-sketch-image26350159

8. They’re incredibly graceful and athletic.  I could use a little grace.  I tend to fall off of my own shoes . . . flat ones . . . while standing still.

9. You never have to worry about bad hair days because no one will ever see your hair.  Heck no one will ever see you!

10. They get to hang out on the water and drink rum all day!  Oh wait, that’s pirates . . . okay forget ninjas, I wanna be a pirate!

Humor, LifeView all 2 comments

 

  1. Getting drunk is no longer the sole purpose of drinking. Now you like the taste.
  2. A pulled muscle or sprained ankle takes significantly longer to heal.
  3. Even if you’re exhausted, you will get out of bed when you realize that you didn’t floss and brush your teeth because you have now met people with dentures and the thought of having them yourself truly horrifies you.
  4. Perfectly legitimate reason to weep like a baby – not being able to find your tiger balm after a strenuous workout.
  5. All of your friends start having babies . . . on purpose.
  6. You have a vitamin brand that you prefer.
  7. Your fun email address – RockerChic or KatFight82 – has fallen by the wayside in lieu of a more professional address – name@company.com.
  8. Not groaning when you stand up after sitting on the floor for more than 30 minutes is cause for celebration.
  9. There is not enough coffee in the world to adequately get you through the day after pulling an all-nighter.
  10. You’ve realized that staying in with no plans on a Friday or Saturday night is not only acceptable, but sometimes it’s AWESOME.

eCard

LifeLeave a comment

I recently made the discovery that I can cook!  I think this can be attributed in large part to the fact that my last roommate was a fantastic cook and I observed her quite a bit.  As well as the fact that she was obsessed with cooking shows . . . which I also watched . . . a lot . . .  Now this is not to say that I am miraculously free of kitchen disasters – let us not forget the “carving knife in the toe” or “melted wax paper” incidents of 2013 – but at least the results are now worth the potential injury and/or messy clean-up.  So here are the Top Ten Recipes That I Have to Try This Year!

hungry-woman

1. Coconut-Curry Chicken Soup

2. Baked Mozzarella Chicken Rolls

3. Chicken and Avocado Enchiladas in Creamy Avocado Sauce

4. Creamy Caprese Quinoa Bake

5. Pumpkin Cinnamon Roll Pancakes

6. Caribbean Jerk Salmon Bowl with Mango Salsa

7. Chicken, Mushroom and Pumpkin Stew

8. Chicken Bacon Wild Rice Soup

9. Slow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken

10. Shrimp Jambalaya

 

So who wants to come over?

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So I mentioned Shakespeare in my blog yesterday, then I watched Henry V, so now it’s on the brain.  So for today’s top ten list I present my Top Ten Favorite Sayings that Originally Came From Shakespeare!

  1. In a pickle – “The Tempest”
  2. The world is your oyster. – “The Merry Wives of Windsor”
  3. It’s all Greek to me. – “Julius Caesar”
  4. Wild goose chase – “Romeo and Juliet”
  5. Eaten out of house and home. – “Henry IV, Part II”
  6. All that glitters is not gold – “The Merchant of Venice”
  7. The game is afoot – “Henry IV, Part I”
  8. Not slept one wink – “Cymbeline”
  9. Play fast and loose – “King John”
  10. Knock knock! Who’s there? – “Macbeth”

knock knock

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Okay, I’ll admit that I tend to exist under a rock.  I’m am not up on all of the new trends and slang, etc.  I still use complete words and correct grammar while texting.  I’m that person.  So it is of no surprise to me that I was able to compile a list of trends and slang that were popular in 2013, that I didn’t learn about until 2014.  So without further ado the Top Ten Trends in 2013 that I Didn’t Know About Until 2014.

1. Extreme Selfies – Apparently after you’ve taken 3000 selfies in your bathroom mirror, it starts to get old (personally my limit was 1).  So instead of finding something else to do, we now have extreme selfies.  I wonder how many bathroom doors have died in the pursuit of this trend.

Kayak Selfie2. Selfie Sunday – Seriously? There’s an entire day devoted to this?  I was aware of Shakespeare Sunday, but Selfie Sunday is a new one to me.

3. Caturday – You take a “selfie” of your cat and post it online on Saturday.  Like you do.

4. Totes – Not just a large bag with handles anymore.  Totes is a shorter more convenient form of the word totally.  Taking out those two letters saves you two syllables.  Totes geeking out about slang over here.

5. Catfish – Refers to someone who is pretending to be someone they’re not, usually through fake online profiles.

6. Guap – A lot of money, like tons of it.

7. Rachet – A diva, mostly from urban cities and ghettos, that has reason to believe she is everyman’s eye candy.  Unfortunately, she’s wrong.  i.e Someone who is “straight ghetto”

8. Straight Ghetto – I was told that this one was self-explanatory.  ?????

9. Salty – Someone or something who is overly pissed off, angry or annoying (my roommate says it totally makes sense, but then again she’s the one that just described a Rachet as Straight Ghetto . . .)

10. Wearing Leggings as pants – Okay technically I knew about this one, but it still blows my mind!  Now if you can find a pair that are the correct size and are of a high enough quality material that they stay opaque no matter what, then strut your stuff girlfriend!  However, if the very act of you walking means that I can tell you that you’re wearing zebra striped underwear, then THOSE ARE NOT PANTS!  Go back home and properly attire yourself for life.  Or, better idea!  Let’s start the first new trend in 2014.  If I can accurately tell you what kind of underwear you’re wearing through your leggings then you have to pay me a dollar.  I live in SoCal, I’ll be rich by next Sunday!  🙂