I got an email this morning from someone that used to be a large part of life. However, over the years, this person has faded into the periphery. This was done consciously on my part for mental health reasons, and reading through the email this morning I was reminded why I made this decision. No matter what I do, this person assumes the worst of me. To my knowledge, I have never done anything to warrant this thinking, yet it pervades. It not only pervades with this person, but they also do their best to swing other people over to their way of thinking. It is always assumed that I am acting out of selfishness or ingratitude or have some sort of devious ulterior motives at play. Or maybe they think I’m being passive aggressive, which is laughable. The majority of people who know me would describe me as just plain aggressive, or blunt. I don’t think the word passive would appear anywhere near the top fifty words used to describe me. That’s not how I roll. Yet, it is how this person perceives me, which begs the question do they even know me at all?
In all honesty, I think the answer is yes, but with a caveat. That caveat being, that everything they know about me is filtered through the negative lens that they view the world with. And that I will never understand. How exhausting must it be to go through life expecting the worst from everyone you encounter? I can’t imagine. Even people who have let me down in the past, or repeatedly flaked on me, I still give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m not completely naïve and I adjust my expectations so that if they let me down again it won’t take me by surprise, but I don’t write them off completely. I don’t automatically assume that they will be a flake forever and always. Maybe that person was having a bad day, week, or month. Maybe they have worked to improve on their weaknesses. Short of psychopaths, murderers and rapists, people deserve to be treated as a worthwhile person regardless of, or in spite of, what they may have done in the past. Especially if they don’t even know of anything they ever did wrong to the other person. Because guess what, if you believe that someone has slighted you, but you’ve never addressed that with them, then that bad is on you, not them. People can’t apologize or make amends for slights that they don’t know exist.
At any rate, it is abundantly clear, looking at the current people that I have surrounded myself with, why I am happier now then I have ever been in my life. It is amazing what a difference it makes to be surrounded by people who expect good things from you, and think positive thoughts about you. It was a difficult decision to cut this particular person out of my life, but after this morning’s email, I see that it was well worth it. During this week of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the positive people that I have in my life.