Last night I was exhausted. To tell the truth I was exhausted all day yesterday, but I knew that if I went to bed without showering that I would have to get up all that much earlier the next morning to shower and then dry my hair. Groaning and complaining to myself about my need to “be clean” and “professional looking” at work, I got in the shower. So there I was exhausted, dripping wet with face wash lathered all over my face when I looked slightly up and right as I was closing my eyes to stick my face under the flow of water, what did I see? A spider. A spider descending from the ceiling to land directly on my head.
Now, I am usually pretty ambivalent towards spiders. If it’s not poisonous or dirtying up my apartment with cobwebs than I say live and let live. If it gets near the floor then it’s probably a goner because Zoey likes to chase and eat them. But hey, natural selection. This is usually my attitude toward spiders. However, when one of them descends from the ceiling and lands in my hair while I’m trying to shower, well then that is a whole different ball game my friend! I AM NOT A FAN OF THAT!
I found myself, under the spray of water making the face wash drip all over the place, which meant that I had more soap than eyeballs in my eye sockets and a spider in my hair. Have you ever tried to do the “HOLY GOD THERE’S A SPIDER ON ME, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!” dance while in the shower? It’s harder than it sounds, because let’s face it, quickly moving your feet around while in a wet bathtub is just gonna lead to you slip and break your neck, especially when you have your eyes closed because they’re full of soap and stinging like nobody’s business!
I am a problem solver though, so I made do. I maniacally broke into the “HOLY GOD THERE’S A SPIDER ON ME, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!” dance without moving my feet, while keeping my face under the water in a vain attempt to rinse out my eyes. Truth be told I am amazed that I didn’t throw out my back. While flailing about I smacked my elbow on the wall, tore down the curtain and practically ripped out half of my hair trying to find the spider in it. Meanwhile the puggles had run in, because clearly from the sounds emanating from the bathroom a deranged serial killer must have snuck in and was in the process of ax murdering me. Instead of finding a serial killer, they found me, standing in a bathtub with no curtain, frantically switching between trying to rinse a spider out of my hair and clear the soap out of my eyes.
In typical Bubba fashion he joined me in the shower, leaving me with not only a wet bathroom, but a wet dog as well. Joyous.
Oh, and what happened to the spider you ask? He might have gotten away and went back to all of his spider buddies to tell the tale of the crazy wet woman who had a seizure. Or he might still be in my hair. Hell if I know. I’m going to have nightmares for weeks. It’s gonna be a long day.