When I was a kid I dreaded holiday dinners when there was something big politically going on. That’s because there would inevitably be a political discussion at said dinner and I hated, loathed and despised talking about politics. They were always the same. My aunt, the token Democrat, would be on one side and her sister and two brothers, including my father, were the Republicans on the other side. The discussions went something like this. The Democrat would say something and it would land on deaf ears. The Republicans would say something in return. Which would also land on deaf ears. Then the Democrat would yell something back, so as to be better heard, yet it fell on deaf ears as well since the Republicans were too busy coming up with what they would say next to actually hear anything. Then the Republicans would yell something back, then the Democrat, and eventually the back and forth would dissolve completely and it would just become people shouting their beliefs into whatever open space there was. The only people who actually did any listening were my sister and me, and we were the only ones who weren’t taking part in the conversation. So a fat lot of good that did.

It wasn’t until years later, that I realized that this was not a political discussion. A discussion implies discourse, which implies someone listening while another talks and then responding to what was just said. That is not what happened at those holiday dinners. There was no discussion whatsoever. I’m not really sure what you can call it, other than painful to sit through. It wasn’t until after I was out of college that I had my first legit political discussion, and I loved it! And no, we didn’t agree with each other so it wasn’t just one person preaching to the choir. It was one person stating their opinion on a subject and backing it up with facts and research. Then the other person asking questions and trying to understand where that person was coming from. When they couldn’t understand, explaining why not and why they believed what they believed. And so on and so forth.

At no point was there name calling and blanket generalizations were kept to a minimum and generally called out when they were used. By the end of the discussion, neither of us had changed our minds, but we both had a lot to think about. It was amazing! That conversation lingered for weeks. The simple act of actually listening and taking three seconds to try to understand where someone is coming from was so refreshing especially with something as high charged as politics.

From that point on, I’ve become increasingly picky about who I will discuss politics with, because when done right, it’s incredibly invigorating, but when done poorly it’s less productive than banging your head on the wall. For whatever reason, as of late, I have lost my ability to pick the good discussions and keep winding up in arguments where my opponent’s main rebuttal is, “You’re wrong!” Which is oh so enlightening. So I once more find myself stuck with that old bitter taste in my mouth for talk of politics. Therefore, I am going to refrain for a bit until I can get my “picker” fixed. In the meantime, to cleanse my palate, I’m going to go bang my head on the wall.