I have lived in my current apartment for almost 4 years now, and whenever I am gone, my two dogs get blocked into the kitchen. Before this year, you could count on one hand the number of times that they escaped and ran amok in the rest of the apartment. This year, however, is a totally different story. I’m pretty sure there have been weeks where they escaped on more days than they stayed put. Especially my girl, Zoey. I have no idea what has changed and try as I might to improve the blockade, the damn dog keeps getting out.

I have gone through over 10 gate/blockage variations this year and she has managed to slip every single one of them. Currently I have an $80 gate, made out of steel, attached to the door jamb with two inch screws that requires both hands and my foot pushing up to get it open. I HAVE TROUBLE OPENING THIS DAMN THING! When home, I also have to prop it open as it swings shut on its own. It doesn’t latch, but it does rest in the closed position. Therefore, whenever one of the dogs pushes it open to get a drink of water they become stuck in the kitchen until I come and swing the gate open to let them out. Despite this, Zoey has now gotten out twice. No, she hasn’t jumped over it, somehow that damn dog has figured out how to unlatch and open it. HOW?!?!?!? She is apparently incapable of pawing it open while I am home and it is unlatched. However, should I properly secure it and leave … no problemo! She’s out and digging through my laundry hamper in ten seconds flat.

I even tried securing the gate closed with a strap. On the outside, ie the side of the gate that she is not on. She chewed through it. She somehow managed to reach through the bars of the gate to chew the strap in two. And this isn’t the first casualty! Over the course of this year she has chewed up a basket, a box, a bookshelf, a folding card table, and two wooden gates in her quest to escape the kitchen. The other day I noticed that she is now missing a front tooth. Gee, I wonder how that happened?

The only plus side to this new gate set-up, is that when she gets out her brother is able to get out too. Previous gate incarnations resulted in her escaping, but due to her brother’s much larger girth, he was stuck in the kitchen, where he proceeded to howl and cry until somebody came to his rescue. At least this way they’re both out . . . and running amok . . . how is this the positive side? At any rate, the strap that she chewed through has now been replaced with steel wire. Get through that you little brat! In the event that she does get through that, there can only be one logical conclusion: my dog has been possessed by the restless spirit of Houdini. In which case, I’m screwed.