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Archives for February 2016

The 10 Stages of Sick

Humor, Life, Top TenLeave a comment

Over the years, I have discovered that I have 10 stages of being sick. No matter what I do, no matter how much I try to break the cycle, when the whole thing is said and done, I’ve gone through these 10 stages.

 

1 – Hint – I get an inkling that something might be coming on. Maybe I have a tickle in my throat, or I’m achy. Something clues me in that something is amuck.

2 – Blatant Refusal – I declare to my body that it is not allowed to get sick! I have XYZ to get done, and So-and-So coming into town to visit. I am far too important and busy to get sick.

3 – Clarity – I realize that I may be too busy to get sick, but I’m definitely not too important. (Not that I think that matters.) So I shove every herbal preventative remedy I can get my hands on into my mouth. Vitamin C, Echinacea, zinc, chicken soup, you name it, I take it!

Captain Strong

4 – Triumph – Take that you stupid cold, my symptoms have abated and I have won! I am superior to your puny germy cells. Who’s your daddy?

5 – Hubris – Once the universe finishes laughing, it bitch slaps me off my feet and I become a sniffling, wheezing, coughing, disease-ridden mass of fever.

6 – Disgruntled Acceptance of Defeat – I begrudgingly accept defeat and drag myself into a doctor to discover that I have something fun like bronchitis, sinus and ear infections, or mono. Good times.

Eddie Izzard

7 – Slow March – I retreat to my couch to snuggle with my dogs, consume large amounts of drugs and juice and binge watch Netflix while the conga-line of germs in my body slowly dies away.

8 – Health – Yes! I’m feeling better! Back to normal life and doing normal things and feeling normal!

9 – Psych! – Nope. Just kidding. That was a fluke. Back to the couch.

10 – Actual Health – Am I really feeling better? Really? I’ll dip my toe in to test the waters . . . after this next episode . . . yeah, one more episode and I’ll be better . . .

 

I’m on #7 at the moment. Anyone up for an episode of Blue Bloods?

Outbreak Monkey

Change, LifeView all 2 comments

I informed one of my co-workers earlier today, that she was the outbreak monkey of our office. At the beginning of the year she returned from a vacation sick as a dog. She was so sick, she had to go home at lunch, but she was right back the very next day coughing all over the place and breathing everybody’s air. Thus began the outbreak. Ever since, this plague has been passing from one person to the next in our office, which isn’t all that surprising since I don’t work in that big of an office. So far out of 14 employees, 7 have gotten sick and missed work. 7!

Monkey

At first I thought I was safe, because I’m in the lobby which is separated from everyone else. I felt great, and I did my dead-level best to avoid talking to anyone with a sniffle or a cough. I was in the clear . . . until now. Now I have the plague, and I blame the outbreak monkey. Despite my bitterness about this, I did realize something though. While I am clearly sick – my nose is running like a faucet and I’ve got a cough – this thing hasn’t wiped me out like it has everybody else.

Everyone else has missed at least one day of work, because they were so sick they physically couldn’t get out of bed. I’m on day three, and getting out of bed hasn’t been any harder than usual. I mean I would have preferred to stay for a couple more hours this morning, but it wasn’t a necessity. I also haven’t been running a fever, I’m not achy, and my lymph nodes aren’t that swollen. My immune system is actually fighting this sucker off!

Okay, this might be a bit of an exaggeration.

Okay, this might be a bit of an exaggeration.

For the first time since I started this god-awful allergy elimination diet, I’m actually glad that I’m on it! Normally a bug like this would have knocked me flat. Instead, since my body isn’t in a perpetual state of allergic reaction, I can fight off a cold. Whoo-hoo! It’s the small things that make life worth living. Oh, and for those who have asked for an update – asparagus, bananas, and peppermint have been moved to the permanent DO NOT EAT list – coffee, honey, pinto beans and garlic(in small amounts) have been moved to the YOU CAN EAT list. Only 28 more foods to test . . .

Empowerment Mix

Inspiration, LifeLeave a comment

I am not what you would call a music connoisseur. I listen to quite a bit of music, but I’ll listen to just about anything that’s on, and I generally don’t know band names. I certainly don’t the names of anybody in the band, and with the exception of the Barenaked Ladies, I don’t go out of my way to see a concert. In other words, I enjoy music while I’m in the moment listening to it, but I’ve never been inspired to dig deeper. It’s not my thing.

Yep. Definitely gotten this mixed up before.

Yep. Definitely gotten this mixed up before.

That being said, I fully recognize the power that music can have. I love a good movie soundtrack or score, because there’s a story told through the music itself. They’re great! The Pirates of the Caribbean score will always pump me up and get me ready to work. Therefore, I made a series of mixes in my iTunes that I can play to match the mood I’m in. Sort of like different soundtracks for my life. There’s the slow mix, the workout mix, the belter’s mix – for when I’m in the mood to sing along! – but, I realized that I didn’t have an empowerment mix. A mix of music that pumps me up and makes me feel like I can take over the world. As I was working on a talk that I’m giving at the beginning of March, I decided that I needed an empowerment mix.

Here’s what I came up with, in no particular order, as I generally listen with it on shuffle.

“Respect” – Aretha Franklin

“Fighter” – Christina Aguilera

“Fight Song” – Rachel Platten

“Independent Woman” – Destiny’s Child

“Who Says” – Selena Gomez

“You Gotta Be” – Des’Ree

“I’m Every Woman” – Chaka Khan

“Love Myself” – Hailee Steinfeld

“Stronger” – Kelly Clarkson

“Rhythm Nation” – Janet Jackson

“Brave” – Sara Bareilles

“Born This Way” – Lady Gaga

“Confident” – Demi Lovato

“Ready for the Good Times” – Shakira

“Hit Me with Your Best Shot” – Pat Benatar

“Roar” – Katy Perry

“I’m Coming Out” – Diana Ross

“Get on Your Feet” – Gloria Estefan

“Let’s Get Loud” – Jennifer Lopez

“Raise the Roof” – Jennifer Holliday

“Powerless” – Nelly Furtado

 

I would love to hear if you have any additions! What am I missing?

Winter Cleaning . . . Because Spring is Too Far Away

Change, Life, Live and LearnLeave a comment

Over the past few weeks, I have been on this crazy mission to clean and organize everything in my apartment. My roommate, God bless her, has tolerated my mania and even joined in to take care of her areas. I love me roommate. Well last night I finished . . . okay 95% is done. There are still a couple of little projects but those involve reorganizing something that is already in its proper place. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, I finished last night.

As I looked around my dusted, vacuumed, organized, color-coordinated, alphabetized – just kidding, I didn’t alphabetize anything . . . yet – this profound sense of peace settled over me. I even folded a fitted sheet neatly, that is how Zen I was.

Sheet

I LOVE being in a neat and tidy space. It makes my heart happy. My grandmother would be so proud, I definitely get this from her. It’s not that it has to be sparse, it just has to be neat. A place for everything and everything in its place. I feel like I should cross-stitch that on a pillow or something.

My living space hasn’t looked this good since I was a kid. It’s always close, but there’s always something amuck. Some area that is a disaster area, and I have done this on purpose for years. Growing up I felt as if I had no control over my life. My mother was sick and our lives were ruled by her sickness. Therefore, I found myself something that I could control. Namely, my bedroom. It was pristine, at all times. Everything had a place, and I knew if someone had moved a tchotchke even half an inch. How did I know this? Because I kept such a tight rein on all of my belongings that I would be driven to distraction until it was returned to its correct place. It was the only thing I could control, so half an inch was that important. I can only assume that my friends picked up on this, because when they came over they either put things back exactly where they got it, or gave it to me to put away.

OCD

Sounds pretty OCD, right? That is because I had OCD, a mild case thankfully, but OCD nevertheless. I had to cope with mess and disorder everywhere else, but in my room, everything could be perfect. And there is the reason that I’ve always left something messy as an adult. After leaving college and getting my first place on my own, I discovered the downside in needing things to be perfect. Perfect is a dangerous word, because it is un-achievable and will only make you crazy. Over time, I broke the OCD cycle and have never let myself be completely organized since.

It was earlier this year that it occurred to me, that I’ve come a LONG way since I was that depressed, OCD kid looking for an outlet. A LONG WAY. I no longer need things to be organized, I like them to be organized. Therefore, I decided that it was high time that I love the space I live in. It was high time, for everything to have a place, and for everything to be in its place. A milestone had been reached. To celebrate, I cleaned and organized my entire apartment. I know how to party.