When I was younger I always assumed that I would eventually grow out of torturing my older sister. Stop pressing her buttons and annoying her simply for the pleasure of getting a rise out of her. You know maturity and all that. Thank goodness I was wrong, because let’s be honest, being a pain in her ass is one of my favorite past times! I think I will forever enjoy holding my finger an inch away from her and saying, “Not touching, can’t get mad.” True, I get elbowed every time I do it, but it’s worth it! Especially since now that I’m five inches taller than her, the elbow lands in my stomach instead of the ribs. Huge improvement! Recently I put a picture of the two of us up on Facebook which presented a lovely opportunity to drive her nuts, and since the exchange occurred over text messaging I can now share my mirth with you. So with out further ado, I present to you:

The Torture of Jen

Jen: What picture did you post of the two of us today?
Kat: You realize you could just go onto Facebook and look?
J: That’s so difficult when I can just ask you to send it to me. 🙂
K: Now why would I send it to you when instead I can tease you about having it and you not knowing which photo it is?
J: Cause you’re not a bitch.
K: I’m fairly certain that I’ve lost track of how many times you personally have called me a bitch. You’re argument is invalid.
J: I was hoping you’ve changed for the positive. Once again you dash my hopes.
K: Hey, change is scary. I don’t like to upset people.
J: 🙂 The real reason you should send it is because if you don’t I might actually go on Facebook and that’s not tease worthy.
K: But then you could catch up on all the fun memes I send you!
J: No
K:Then what’s the point in sending them?!?!
J: Because someday I will and then laugh historically for hours till I cry.
K: Well that day could be today!
J: No
K: And by the by, how does one laugh “historically?” Do you have to wear one of those powdered wigs while doing it?
J: Damn auto correct on the phone.
K: I bet you could laugh historically though. Set up some candles in a nice tableau. A couple of old timey costumes, then probably an overly formal polite laugh. That could be laughing historically. Or maybe just laughing at things in history. Maybe that’s laughing historically?
J: 🙂 You certainly seem busy at work today.
K: Swamped, how could you tell?
J: I just got a feeling.
. . .
J: Send the damn picture.
K: But I’m busy.
J: Lol.
K: Maybe I’d have time to send it if you stopped texting me.
. . .
K: Hello?
J: I was giving you the time you need to send the picture since you can’t read and send a text at the same time.
K: Oh! Well clearly that didn’t work since I was preoccupied thinking something had happened to you. So whatcha doin’ tonight?
J: No plans. You?
K: I have an article to write and an episode of Criminal Minds! 🙂 To watch. I’m watching Criminal Minds, not writing it.
J: 🙂 I figured that’s what you meant.
K: Well, just in case.
J: I assume if you get a job as a staff writer on a major TV show, I’ll hear about it pretty quick.
K: That’s a pretty safe bet.
J: Picture.
K: What picture?
J: You are a bitch.
K: See, there you go again!
J: You know you laughed.
K: Well that’s true, I did.
. . .
K: You realize that I sent the picture half an hour ago right?
J: You are a brat.
. . .
J: That’s a really good picture.

Yes, yes it is Jen. Now who’s sad that I’m not their little sister?