Let’s be honest.  Our new year’s resolutions don’t always work out . . . or even see the light of February.

So not to jinx myself or anything, but here are the Top Ten Probable Outcomes of my Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions.

 

Resolution #1 – Retire the “fat pants” and move back into the regular wardrobe

Probable Outcome – Technically speaking I wear the “fat pants” more often than the size 8’s in my closet, so therefore they are actually my regular wardrobe thus rendering this resolution null and void.

 

Resolution #2 – Work on the puggles’ lack of obedience

Probable Outcome – “Puggles, ignore me . . . Good dogs!”  Nailed it!

 

Resolution #3 – Read more

Probable Outcome – Does my Twitter feed count?

 

Resolution #4 – Eat more fruits and vegetables.

Probable Outcome – I’ll take a pepperoni pizza with pineapple and black olives.

 

Resolution #5 – Work out on a regular basis

Probable Outcome – Okay, this one might actually happen simply because I joined the gym that my roommate goes to on a regular basis and she said she’d bring me along . . . kicking and screaming if necessary.

 

Resolution #6 – Finish all of the dishes every night before going to bed.

Probable Outcome – Start eating exclusively off of paper plates or directly out of the pan.

 

Resolution #7 – Go to bed at a reasonable hour

Probable Outcome – In comparison, 1:00 is definitely more reasonable then say 3:00.

 

Resolution #8 – Do yoga every morning

Probable Outcome – Keeping my legs straight as I bend over to put my socks on has got to be some sort of yoga move.  Right?

 

Resolution #9 – De-clutter my house

Probable Outcome – “What are you buying?”  “A flamingo, feather-duster pen . . . but I need it!”

 

Resolution #10 – Stop calling myself a Dumbass

Probable Outcome – Dumbass . . . Damnit!