A bit of a rant, but at least I numbered it for you!
1 – Obsessing over zits, blemishes and that tiny little scratch. We’re all adults. We all know that outside of Photoshop, everyone gets these things. Unless it is the actual size of Rhode Island or it is a shape/size/color that should be seen by a medical professional, no one cares. If you are hanging out with people who do, they are not your friends. They are petty, vindictive assholes. Find new people to hang out with.
2 – Asking if a piece of clothing makes you look fat. I hate to break it to you, but if you get the impulse to ask, the answer is yes. Anybody that tells you differently is lying to your face. So do yourself a favor, save your boyfriend/husband the trauma and throw away that pair of spandex pants with the horizontal stripes and put on a pair of jeans.
3 – Letting your dog run around in public off leash. Just because you love your dog does not mean that everyone else does. This is not only one of my biggest pet peeves, but a potential nightmare that I have to live out almost every time I walk my dogs. Inevitably the dog owner will holler from 100 yards away, that their dog is “friendly.” Well that’s great, mine isn’t. My little girl Zoey has been attacked so many times in her seven years of existence that she has taken up the attitude of “bite first, ask questions later” should a strange dog get a little too fresh. So unless you can guarantee me that your “friendly” dog will remain so after Zoey bites him, get your dog on a leash! Because when that dog fight starts, it’s gonna be my two dogs against yours and it’s gonna be up to me to break it up because you’re 100 yards away and I’m attached to the fight by two leashes. Not cool!
4 – French kissing at the end of a first date. Unless you’re looking for a one-night-stand, or are unable to control your raging hormones because you’re 16, save this for later. I have three reasons for this. 1. A little anticipation really does make things better. 2. If that’s how you expect a first date to end, how are you expecting the second date to end? If I’m not ready to take that plunge and I’m on the fence about you anyway, I very well may just bypass the second date completely to avoid the hassle of having to say no. 3. Should I ever have kids – it might happen – and one of them asks me to tell them the story of our first kiss, “He walked me to my car, looked into my eyes, smiled and gave me a quick kiss,” makes a much better story than “He pressed me up against my Chevy Malibu and stuck his tongue down my throat in the parking lot behind McDonalds.”
5 – Making a habit of treating people horribly, then coming back around later to apologize for treating them horribly and thinking that this makes everything better. Seriously, why do people think that this is an acceptable way to interact with people? After the second consecutive time you’ve done this to me, I no longer accept your apology. You may be sorry, but I don’t care. If you were truly sorry you would try to change your behavior so that you don’t have to apologize for it all the time. Don’t expect me to provide you with forgiveness and assuage your guilt because you were an asshole.
