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Precious Commodity

I’ve come to the realization, that as much as I may want to be and as much as I may try, I am not a daily blogger.  I think sporadic blogger is a better description, and honestly I don’t know why this surprises me.  Even growing up when I kept a journal, I never wrote in it daily.  Some weeks I would, and then I would take time off.  I guess I never really felt compelled to write for the sake of writing.  I had to have something on my mind.  A story that I wanted to tell or something that I wanted to work out.  That’s what writing has always been for me, a tool.  It’s one of the greatest tools that I have in my arsenal.  I can’t think of a single time that I had a dilemma or an issue that had bogged me down that I wasn’t able to work out by writing about it.  The simple act of putting it down on paper, stream of consciousness, has always helped me get to the root of whatever was troubling me.  Writing it out makes it clear.  Not to mention there’s a definite satisfaction to laying out all of your troubles and then ripping them to shreds!  If you’ve never done that, I highly recommend it, it’s very therapeutic!  Write out your troubles, your fears and your worries.  Lay it all bare, read through it, soak it in, then tear them to shreds and let it all go.

Or start a blog and put them on the internet for all to read . . . doesn’t really have the same panache, but it has a different kind of release.  So I decided that against all of the advice and how-to’s about how to have a “successful blog” I am no longer going to concern myself with keeping a steady flow of content.  I’m going to write when I have something to say and hold my tongue when I don’t.  That’s how I work, and trying to do anything else is going to come across half-hearted and insincere.  I’m going to do it my way, because that is the only way that I know how to do things that are meaningful and if it doesn’t mean something what’s the point?

Maybe that’s the real crux of the issue, I’ve never understood why people spend so much time and energy on things that in the end won’t amount to anything.  For me this especially shows up in dating.  I’ve never casually dated.  If I don’t see something in a guy that sparks my interest long-term, then I’m not interested short-term.  If I had a dollar for every time a friend has told me to, “Relax, and just have fun with him.  You don’t have to marry him,” I could probably pay off my car.  And I’ve tried, but I can’t do it, because inevitably I realize that instead of spending time with “Mr. Okay For Right Now” I could have been doing something worthwhile.  It sounds horrible, but I greatly value my time and I know where I want that precious commodity to go, which is not to “Mr. Okay For Right Now.”  I know, l know, loosen up!  I’m working on it . . .